Torn
by Gryall
Summary: Santana Lopez loses her best friend Brittany Pierce in an accident in which she blames her self for. Should she blame herself? How does she cope or does she even cope at all?
1. Chapter 1

_**Chapter 1 **_

_6__th__ of September 10:12pm_

My chocolate eyes darted around my unusually messy room as I felt the walls slope in again. Trapped. My Black walls seemed darker than ever before and my room seemed like it was shrinking. I couldn't breathe. I moved my head slightly to the left and felt a sharp pain throbbing down the side of my neck and fresh tears formed in my eyes. Who am I trying to kid here? I don't feel at home in my own room. After the pain seemed to simmer away, I tried once again to look around my room and felt a massive blow to my chest. There were too many memories and moments with her that ill treasure forever.

"Santana? Honey? Please come out, it's been a week. I miss you darling."

I sat there cradling my face in the palms of my hand in silence. I had no answer to that. However, I took a deep breath and steadied myself. As if my mother could sense I was better, she slowly pushed open my door and crept through the small gap she made for herself. Bright, beaming light shone through the gap in the door which made me notice how dark my room was. I shut my eyes, scrunching up my forehead and rubbed my eye lids in comfort. When I eventually opened them again, I noticed my mother sat next to me on the bed.

"Mama, I'm sorry, I'm not ready yet." I started weakly.

"Mija, you're so much stronger than you think, please if you just…"

"No mum, you don't understand! She was the reason I was so strong! She gave me so much support, I, I..." I cut off sobbing in my mother's embrace. She rocked us back and forth soothing me softly, humming whilst stroking my hair in comfort.

"Okay sweet heart. Maybe it's too early. You missed her funeral though, it was beautiful. She would have loved it. Do you want to come down stairs? Maybe something to eat?" My mother asked earnestly. I shook my head in her chest and she nodded and kissed the top of my head. Slowly, she crept out of my room and shut my door quietly. Suddenly, as if I was struck by lightning, I quickly found energy I didn't know I had and rushed to my wardrobe. Ripping my bed clothes off, I shoved on some jogging pants, an old top and some pumps. I swiftly crossed my room and stopped at my window. I then pushed open my window and stuck my head out noticing it was warm out than normal. I slipped both legs out onto the ledge and jumped onto the brick arch then onto the floor skill fully. I've had a lot of practise over the years. Before I realized what I was actually doing, I found myself at the graveyard. I shoved both my hands in my pockets and strode the end of the park. There it was. Even her grave piece looked better than the others. I close my eyes furiously and sniffed hard so I didn't cry and opened up again. I looked sadly at the grave ahead.

"Hey B." I spoke softly. "Sorry I'm late."


	2. Chapter 2

_**Chapter 2**_

A/N: Sorry about the last chapter being so short.. was just giving you a taster. Did you like? Please leave reviews! I'm sorry but this is also short but I promise they will get longer! Enjoy

_10th of July 2011 3:10pm_

The last bell rang loud and sharp for the end of English for the start of summer. Oh my god, yes! Finally! I looked over to my right at Brittany and she smiled at me excitedly, I smiled back. I put all my books in to my bag then slung it over my shoulders. As I went to walk out, I reached out and linked my pinky with Britt's as we headed over to the last Glee session of the year.

"Britt, what are you doing this summer" I asked curiously.

"Noting really" she thought deeply. "Oh, I have one motor cross competition!" She grinned.

As I was about to answer, we arrived at the busy choir room where everyone was hugging and laughing around. Oh and of course, we had Rachel crying. Bloody drama queen. Everyone else burst into song singing "We are young" as me and Brittany stood in the door astounded. I felt a hand tug on my wrist and looked over. It was of course Britt. She pulled her "puppy dog eyes" and I knew what she wanted. Giggling I joined in with the chorus and danced around with Quinn and Brittany. I hate to admit this but it was fun. We gave Mr. Schu a group hug and we left. The summer was our oyster. I said goodbye to Quinn then went off to Brittany's like we always did. When we arrived at her house, we got a drink and lazed around in the beautiful, colourful living room with my legs draped around Brittany's. We were always close like this.

"Oh Britt?" I spoke above the television.

"Hmm?" She replied peeling her eyes from the lion king.

"When is your motor cross competition and stuff?" I asked, my mind wondering.

"Erm, it's in 2 weeks and it's near New York." She smiled happily. "It will be horrible leaving you though! San, I'm tired let's go bed… please!" she spoke quickly slipping off the sofa dragging me behind while I was still figuring out what she said.

After we got changed and washed, I returned back to Brittany's bedroom to find her lay in bed ready. A small breathed laugh escaped my lips and received a cheeky wink in return. I flicked off the light and felt my way to the other side of the bed and climbed in it. The minute I lay down, I felt the bed shuffle and before I knew it, Brittany was attached to my side, arms draped around my waist and head lay on my chest. We always did this, so I expected this. Friends do this when they are close, right?

"Night San" She mumbled before falling into a deep sleep.

"Night night Britt"


	3. Chapter 3

_**Chapter 3**_

_23rd of September 2011 01:13am_

I continued sitting in silence in front of Brittany's grave for at least 2 hours, only making noise if I cried to loud. My heart ached for my best friend who lay deep underneath the ground and could no longer be with me. I didn't know what I was meant to do any more. I stared down at our friendship necklace and couldn't decide in hatred or love. I decided I needed to clear my head.

"I'm so lost without you Britt. And I'm so, so sorry, it's my entire fault. I killed you. But I miss and need you so much." I sobbed. "I love you B. I love you so much and I should have told you more." My voice cracked and I heard a twig cracking harshly from behind so I jumped up holding my hands up in defence.

"Santana? It's me Quinn." I recognised my friends' voice and my body softened and I fell to the ground. Not long later, I felt strong arms pull me in to a bear hug as I sobbed.

"I don't want to bombard you with questions; however I'm sorry I have to! Santana, where have you been? You didn't go her funeral today." She asked softly rubbing my arms while I shivered with tears and cold. I took a deep breath before I could answer her properly.

"This is the first time I have really left my room today. I couldn't face her funeral, I'm sorry." I answered as I pulled away and stood forcefully on my feet.

"Oh okay. Tell you what ill finish the questions later, okay? By the way, I heard what you said. It was an accident that killed Brittany. It wasn't your fault I…" She stopped. "Where are you going?"

"I'm sorry Q. I can't stay here any longer, I need to drive. I'll speak to you soon."

Before she could answer, I walked away with more speed than she expected as I found my car parked outside my house and stepped in. Before I could change my mind, I started to drive. No idea where I was going, I just drove and realized I was taking the same route from about 2 months ago. With her.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Chapter 4**_

_a/v: Please review and let me know if it's any good!_

_11th of July 2011 11:27am_

What the hell was on my nose? I kept my eyes closed firmly because they seemed heavy, they took too much effort to open and honestly I was hoping I was dreaming this even if this was like the weirdest dreams ever. Aw, that's disappointing. I usually dream about me and Britt but she doesn't have to know that! It's weird because she's my best friend, I shouldn't be ever dreaming about her really!

No! There goes that weird feeling on my nose, I wasn't asleep then. My eyes shot open and inches away from mine, was Brittany's face. I gasped in shock and stared at her for a second.

"Britt? What are you doing?" I asked as I tried to stay mad as her sparkling bright blue eyes met mine and searched in case there was something wrong.

"Well, I thought you were like sleeping beauty and that I should wake you up special but my hair kept getting in the way." Brittany pouted as she tucked her long, blonde hair behind her ears as she ducked her head in towards my mouth. Oh my god…

I rolled underneath her dragging the duvets covet with me as I loudly thumped onto the floor, eyes wide in shock.

"Oops. Sorry Britt. Fell off the bed." Defusing the situation as I brushed myself off whilst checking she wasn't upset or confused by my actions. She cocked her eye brow but then her beautiful sparkling laugh appeared and I sighed in relief as she linked her pinky with my own and led me to the kitchen for breakfast. While Brittany was pouring us both some lucky charms, I remembered my idea's yesterday which she interrupted in tiredness.

"Britt?"

"hm?" Brittany's tongue was slightly out, overlapping her lips in concentration pouring the cereal into the bowels so not too much escaped from the box. She put it down and allowed her eyes to find me encouraging me to continue.

I made sure to contain my excitement and started "Well you know you said about your motor cross competition in 2 weeks near New York?

Brittany nodded however didn't see where I was going with it.

"I was thinking yesterday, you know because we're 17, I have a car, that we could go on a road trip and I could go to your motor cross competition with you and you know, see you in action? But we go the long way and travel around and have some fun first?" I knew my tone started to sound desperate and worried because they were no reaction from Brittany. I was expecting excitement and hugs however she was looking at her lap so I couldn't see her face. I was about to say leave it before a bubble of laughter escaped Brittany's lips as a couple of tears escaped her sea water blue eyes and sang

"Fooled you San! Oh my god, really? That means so much! Let's go ask my mum now, maybe we could go tomorrow? Come on!" She shouted impatiently and excitedly showing me the reactions I was really expecting. I laughed along as she grabbed my hand and dragged me up the stairs then ungracefully crashed into her parent's bedroom where her mother sat looking at us with an amused look played on her face.

"Brittany honey? The answer is yes by the way! I can hear you from up here! As long as you promise to stay with Santana and behave."

A second didn't go by before a high pitched shriek was heard from the beautiful, blonde bombshell as she ran across the room to the fully made, king sized bed and jumped happily into her mother's arms thanking her continually until her mother shushed her gently. I nodded at Grace and flashed a grin of appreciation and happiness as Brittany flew into my arms strongly knocking me off my feet.

"Whoa Britt!" I laughed joyfully bringing us both of us to our feet and ran to the bedroom planning our trip and not bothering to contain our excitement for the next couple of weeks.


	5. Chapter 5

_**Chapter 5**_

_23rd Of September 2011 19:15pm_

The little grains seemed to spray in all sorts of directions from my wheels desperately trying to go faster. I sighed harshly with all the energy left in me and stomped my foot hard on the brake, twisted my key out and let my head hang onto the wheel. After a couple of minutes passed, I slipped out of my pumps and opened my car door breathing in deeply. I placed both bare feet into the sand and wiggled my toes into the yellow grains of sand, both enjoying and feeling detest to the feeling. Knowing it was nearly time; I climbed out of my car wearily and scrambled on top of my car bonnet lying back onto the windscreen. The sun slowly disappeared to the bottomof the sea and fresh tears appeared and stung and hurt and I rubbed them with the palms oh my hands.

"It still looks as beautiful Britt." I sighed heavily sniffing back my tears preventing any more pain. "However this time, I don't have you..." My voice wavering.

Seagulls circled overhead and I glared at them as they started squawking and interrupting my thoughts. I miss her, so much. I miss her laugh when I last glared at the seagulls. I miss her arms sweetly around my waist cheering me up. A huge sob took over my body as I hugged my legs towards my chest and gave in to what my body obviously wanted as tears streamed down my face like a water fountain.

"Santana?" A familiar, warm voice questioned from behind interrupting my thoughts and tears as I yanked my head up turning my head towards the source ignoring the fact I had tears on my face. There stood Brittany's mother, Grace; her usually happy and comforting face looked hurt and confused as she walked towards me, arms outstretched. Usually, I Ignored this gesture of sympathy however she looked so much like her daughter that I jumped off the car and fell into her embrace. Neither of us spoke, just stood there in each other's arms, comforting each other. As my head tucked onto her shoulder, her scent filled my nostrils and made me cry again. There was the same smell as Brittany. My favourite smell actually. Grace patted me on the back softly showing me it was the end of the hug and we both stood back a step. She reached over to my hand to give it a squeeze however held on and tried to tug me into her direction however I stood still looking confused.

"Come on darling. You're so far from home and I bet you don't have anywhere to stay?" She asked softly. I shook my head lowering my head slightly.

"Right I thought so sweetheart. Now come on, you're to come stay with us, okay? Oh and also, you are not a trouble! You're like family…B, Brittany really cared for you. Come on." She argued pulling once more and succeeding towards a beach house about 30 feet away from my car. Even when she argued with me to get me to stay, she wasn't even forceful. She was so soft and caring, her eyes wide and blue and her lips slightly pouting to persuade me to get what she wanted. Just like Brittany. Brittany literally always got what she wanted with me. She knew what to do.

She headed towards the stairs however I knew I couldn't stay in the guest room like last time and I stopped abruptly. Grace opened her mouth as if to speak but then stopped herself and nodded and pointed her head towards the sofa. I went and lay down and she brought a blanket over me and tucked me in, her gentle eyes sparkling, muttered good night and walked up the stairs. For the first time in just over a week, I felt a little more at peace surrounded by the familiar scent and comforting scenery. It wasn't even 10 minutes before I fell into a deeper sleep than I'd had for a while feeling more than comforted to be in the pierce residence.


	6. Chapter 6

_**Chapter 6**_

_12th of July 2011 10:30 am_

By half ten the next day, my small red, shiny convertible was packed with bags of clothes, food and other weird and fun essentials that Brittany decided she couldn't live without. I leaned casually onto the door of my car while Grace hugged the life out of her loving daughter demanding that she looked after each of us. Brittany then excited ran towards the passenger side and slide in tapping her finger nails impatiently waiting for me to get going. I giggled and walked over to Grace to fall into a quick hug to tell her I would look after her eldest daughter. When I got into my car, Brittany grabbed my hand and squeezed it excitedly. I didn't understand why I was so happy, but there you go. As I started to drive away, Brittany wave franticly at her mother until we drove around the corner and could no longer see her no more.

"Oh my god, San! We are actually going! Thank you, Thank you, Thank you" She shouted excitedly, putting down the window as we hit the freeway and the wind rusting her gorgeous bright blonde curls. I giggled in response keeping my eyes on the fairly busy road however allowing my eyes to flicker over her every so often seeing her staring at me smiling.

"Want the radio on Britt? I asked already knowing the answer as she nodded her pearly white teeth shining in the sunlight. I turned on the radio, full blast as we sung loud and out of beat excited for the day to come.

"Britt, where are we actually going right now? I just realized I had no idea." I realized from my deep thought.

"Can we go see the sunset Sanny" She pleaded with big puppy eyes and her signature pout which made me roll my eyes and give into everything she wanted. I nodded with response and gestured my arm towards the blanket telling her to get some sleep. In the corner of my eyes, I noticed her big blue eyes start to get heavy as she muttered 'Night San' as I continued to drive following the signs. I knew where to go when she asked for the sunset. After a few more hours of driving ( about 6) I hushed Brittany to wake up gently and suddenly felt her stir and wake up.

"Huh? Where are we?" She asked quietly as she rubbed her eyes and then curiously eyed the place outside the car window.

"Nearly there, Britt! You're going to see the sunset" I smiled back at her putting my right hand on hers and rubbed her knuckles as she was tired. Suddenly, we pulled up at a beach and I opened the door so Brittany could climb out and we were on the beach. Literally, my car was on the beach. It was beautiful, the sky was still in daylight but we were about to see the sunset Brittany wanted. The sea glistened beautiful in its blue natural form and sand was soft and yellow making me want to throw off my shoes and rub my feet in it. I heard Brittany gasp next to me causing me to chuckle.

"Where are we San?" She asked still in awe.

"We are in Key West beach. Here to see this sunset of course." I winked. "Come on, 5 minutes and the sun will be setting and we need a good view." I confirmed. I turned on the spot looking around for somewhere to sit however nowhere. I decided it would have to be my car bonnet; I walked over and scrambled ungracefully to the top tapping with my hand so Brittany would get up. Soon enough the sun started to set and was so beautiful it caused me to gasp and took my breath away.

I heard the same from Brittany as she wrapped her arms around my waist. I turned my head to look at her as she did and her eyes were glistening in the dark.

"Thank you San! I loved it! I- I love you" She finished slowly looking me full on in the eyes. Before I could answer she swooped her head in and kissed me softly on my lips. She pulled her head back and I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding in. She opened her mouth to speak however I interrupted her and placed my lips once again on her own, a little more firmly sliding my tongue along her bottom lip before I explored her mouth. Once we broke apart, we sat on top of my car in a comfortable silence when Brittany put her head on my shoulder cuddling in to keep the warmth, falling asleep softly.

"I love you too, Britt."


	7. Chapter 7

_**Chapter 7**_

_24__th__ Of September 2011 11:27am_

The first thing I heard was the sound of the kettle and the occasional clanging as I sat from the sofa rubbing my eyes softly. I panicked as I looked around frantically, confused on where I was. Was this a dream? I ran my fingers along the soft, yellow, velvet sofa still trying to figure out if it was true or not. I heard chuckling behind me so I spun to see Grace and Brittany's little sister Emily stood close on the door frame.

"Good morning, Sweet heart. Gosh, you look better now after a bit of sleep." Grace joked softly, putting down the mug on the coaster and giving me a quick comforting hug. "By the way, that coffee's yours. White with 2 sugars, right? She asked double checking. I nodded and thanked her, still alarmed from my confusion.

"Grace? Can I ask, is, is this real? I'm really confused." I asked quietly, feeling even more like a little girl, not someone nearly 18.

She laughed loudly and quickly bringing her mouth to her hand. "Yes, it is darling. Definitely not a dream, I assure you! Now get ready, we need to discuss, what's going on." She nodded, walking out slowly. I took a quick sip of my coffee and slowly returned it back to the table. I noticed Grace had brought my bag with my clothes as I unzipped it to see some clothes I had spare in my car. I heard a little creaking noise as my head spun quickly towards to the source however surprised to see Emily stood timidly. My eyes softened and gestured for her to come over. She sat on the seat next to me and smiled at me offering me a sweet.

"Emily, what's going into you? You usually don't shut up." I winked taking the sweet thanking her as I unwrapped it from the paper.

"Sorry, Santana. You look tired; I didn't want to annoy you too." She snivelled and I knew she was upset. I tapped my leg and let my arms outstretch and she fell into them.

"Hmm, who else did you annoy sweetie? What's wrong?"

"Mummy. I went to her room because I Saw dolphins in the sea and she said she didn't want waking up by me and she didn't care. I thought because it was 9 she would be up and stuff but she was rocking herself and making wailing noises. I don't think she loves me anymore." She started to cry and dropped her sweets on the floor. I felt heartbroken by the girls' words, lent forward to collect her sweets and rubbed her soothingly on her back.

"Of course she loves you, Em! But remember, mummy is going through a hard time. She will come through; you just need to help her through it! Why don't you go pick her some flowers?" I suggested sweetly as she nodded and ran out of the room. I went to the bathroom with my clothes and spare toothbrush and got changed quickly and returned to the living room. I wasn't sure what to do so I decided to look round. There was some old pictures; Grace and Bill's wedding photo, Emily's first steps, Brittany as a baby…and then one to stop me moving and my whole body freeze up. There was me and Brittany in our cheerio's uniform. I remember it to this day, it was the day we got accepted into the cheerio's by sue and Brittany was so excited. We had only known each other for like 2 days however I knew she was my best friend. In fact, from then on, we were never to be separated. My eyes stung harshly and I turned wiping my eyes. In fact the whole room looked familiar, not the crazy coloured furniture and pictures in it however definitely familiar. Wait, of course! This was the hotel from last time, they must have bought it! That why I had memories of a spare room last night.

I found Grace in the dining room, looking quite confused with her notepad and mobile phone lying opposite her on the oak table.

"Santana, didn't you tell your parent's you were coming here?" She asked. I lowered my eyes, slowly shaking my head.

"I know. Maria just called. She said your father isn't happy. You need to let them know, are you going home or are you staying?" She asked eyes full of concern.

I turned my head toward the living room seeing the picture again of Brittany and I. I knew exactly what I was going to do.


	8. Chapter 8

_**Chapter 8**_

**A/V: I am adding this chapter early as after this, I am going to Florida for 2 weeks and cannot update until at least then! I hope you enjoy this and let me know what you think ;) Team Brittana forever 3**

_13__th__ of July 2011 8:30am _

When I awoke, the smell of the beach hit me before I even opened my eyes. The smell of the sea, fresh and salty and the smell of the sand. When I opened my eyes, I had to blink a couple of times to remember where I was. Memories of last night flickered before me; arriving at the coast, watching the sunset, Britt telling me she loved me, the kiss… wait, did she hear me tell her back? I don't know if that's how I really feel. It was probably just in the moment or something.

I heard some mumbling and felt wriggling by my side and I looked down to see Brittany lay on her back while I lay on my side right up against her. Like normal, we were wrapped in each other's arms however this time, it felt like something more. Holy crap, we were lay in the back seat in my car. Of course, we were too tired to find a hotel. I looked down to see her still asleep and she looked adorable. Her face was smooth and a small smile played on her lips since she fell asleep on my car. I wasn't going to wake her but then my nose started twitching uncontrollably and I sneezed fairly loud. Crap. Her eyes shot open, wide and shocked however softened when she saw me and smiled sheepishly.

"Hey San." She mumbled rubbing her eyes softly.

"Morning Britt-Britt." I grinned down at her moving slightly so she could sit up next to me. "You still tired, it's pretty early, you can go back to sleep if you want?"

Her deep blue eyes stared into my eyes in shock and shock her head roughly "No way! Where are we going to next?" She asked smiling at me.

I thought deeply for a moment, carefully taking the question into consideration. I hummed as I watched her eye the seagulls excitedly in the corner of her eyes. "Well, I thought we would stay her another day, so we could explore here and the beach and discuss plans for tomorrow tonight?" I suggested waiting for her judgement as we always went on what she wanted to do. This girl had me trained for sure. It was because on her 8th birthday, I bought her a stuffed horse from Hamlets and she was upset because 'she liked only unicorns and ducks' and well to be honest still does! So from then on, I swore I'd do whatever she wanted to do as I loved it when she was happy.

She flashed me the biggest smile flashing all the perfect white teeth saying "Perfect, I want to play with the seagulls!" She spoke louder the excitement showing through her voice. "But San?" She asked for my attention as my eyes had hovered over to the dead jelly fish about 30 feet away from car on the shore.

"Hmm?" I turned my head to face hers shooting her a guilty look for getting distracted.

"You see that big pink house?" She asked pointing at the building on the shore. I nodded along. "Well I think it is a hotel, um can we stay there tonight pleaseeee? As much as I love being super close to you, we forgot pillows and my neck hurts a little." She pouted, bending her neck trying to prevent the pain. I giggled and nodded along to the request. I got out of the car and went it to the other side so I sat behind Brittany as much to her confusion. I gave her a quick neck massage to ease the pain and then we decided to go up to the big, bright building.

As we entered, my eyes widened as I saw the lobby. It was even brighter than the outside and I thought that was impossible. However, Britt mumbled something about the colour being 'hot'. I strode over the desk and rang the little bell available. A tall, skinny, middle-aged blonde woman and a slightly shorter brunette came running from the back, smiling apologetically.

"Sorry, if you have been waiting long. I couldn't find the new zebra straws." The blonde woman sadly stated. I shook my head, actually wanted to laugh. The woman looked over at Brittany and double took who had her pinkie linked with mine and stared at her making her feel uncomfortable. I was about to go mad for being mean to my Britt but then she said something to shock us all.

"Brittany? Brittany Pierce?" She asked eyes wide in shock.

"Erm, yes?" She looked scared and to be honest, I felt it myself a little. This was a little creepy.

"Oh my gosh! I knew it! You have the signature bright blue eyes and blonde hair. You look so much like your mother." She looked shell shocked still but now her blue eyes sparkled with a bit more happiness. Kim, her name on the name page, stood out as it was diagonal. Weird.

"I'm sorry, going to have to stop your creepy talk now 'Kim'. Who the hell are you and how do you know Britt and Grace?" I asked with my eye brow cocked about to go all lima heights on her ass when the look on her face made me realise everything. That look of fright that I recognised instantly.

"No, sweety. I'm Grace's sister but we fell out. We spoke about two days ago actually, found each other on Facebook. We caught up a little. You want to stay here one night? It's on the house." She spoke in one breath and big smile capturing her face, showing all her pierce traits once again. Brittany smiled massively and went round and gave the woman a massive hug.

"Well nice to meet you Auntie Kim." She grinned. "Thanks for the free room, we're a little low on cash and we appreciate it." She said kindly taking the key from the brunette as we found our room. Room 101.


	9. Chapter 9

_**Chapter 9**_

_24__th__ of September 2011 15:35pm _

I softly pressed the base of my foot onto the break as I slowly stopped at the nearby deli. As I stepped out, my foot loudly crunched into the bumpy, large gravel as I hobbled across them to get the restaurant/café. I could smell the food the moment the automatic swinging doors opened up and I smiled at the smell of fresh steak and kebabs. It was extremely busy which was weird at this time of the day as it was no longer lunch time however not quite tea time however shrugged it off and fell into the nearest empty booth. The seats were cheap, red leather and the table was slightly dirty with ringlets of water from glasses and crumbs from the meal before me. On the other side of the room, I could see the booth where I sat last time I was here, with someone special. I sat day dreaming when I was interrupted and I jumped.

"Excuse me? Sorry to scare you ma'am. Can I get you anything to drink or eat?" A woman in her 50's wearing a pink uniform for the deli with a white hair net was bending over table with a notebook and pencil clutched to her chest. I nodded still scared from the sudden interaction.

"Actually." The woman said excitedly, eyes widening up in realization. "I recognise you. Were you here like a couple of months ago, I remember a new face as we have our regulars however I'm sure you've been here before! With another young lady, right?" She asked with a small smirk on her face shooting me a cheeky wink. I cleared my throat and got my breath talk and then again nodded again to show I was listening.

"Erm, yes I was here with my..friend." I smiled politely. "Actually, can I have a strawberry milkshake please?"

"Sure coming right up, hunnie! Oh, and by the way, you and you friend was very cute. "She winked for the second time and I felt my world turn upside down. The woman watched in horror as I started to sob and no idea on what to do. She sat by me rubbing me back awkwardly and looked round noticing the whole place was staring at me. She took my hand and led me to the back store cupboard.

"What's wrong sweetheart? Is it something to do with your friend?" She asked kindly whispering the last word gesturing to a seat behind me. I nodded my head and steadied myself slowly taking deep breaths before I knew I was ready to talk.

"Well…My friend, Brittany who was here last time. Well, she is, she is dead." My eyes started watering again and I felt like I couldn't breathe. The waitress gasped loudly, sat next to me and grabbed my hand however I took it away and placed it on my knee.

"My name is Laura, by the way. I'm really sorry for your loss. You must be really gutted, huh?" She smiled weakly at me while I didn't know what I quite felt about her right now. She continued "You must of really loved her now you have lost your girlfriend."

I shot up from my seat, my checks crimson as I felt my whole body shake. Her eyes went wide like a wild gazelle spotting a fox as I stared at her long and hard with my signature 'Lopez' look. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want her to think I was gay, she might use it against me. I felt my body sigh as I rolled my eyes. I am gay and she seems nice enough surely. I slunk back into my seat into defeat, sighing loudly, slapping my face harshly into my hands.


	10. Chapter 10

_**Chapter 10**_

_13__th__ of July 2011 12:10pm_

I swiped the card into the square box on the right of the door so the green light lit up spontaneously and the door sprung open. Brittany ran in, shoving past the tall door with the numbers 101 on and threw the bags onto the floor like she was bowling.

"Wow San. This room is beautiful!" She shouted excitedly leaping onto the bed smiling with so much happiness. I laughed finding myself running up to the king sized bed and jumping right next to her.

"Sure is Britt. Small hotel isn't it? It has like 6 rooms in it." I stated staring up at the bobbly ceiling then lowering my eyes to look at the girl to my right.

"Hmm, yeah, weird. Maybe they just turned it into a hotel to get money?" She asked simply rubbing her fingers across my knuckles. I gulped loudly and met her gaze as she smiled seductively and leaned in slowly. I shuck my head and forced a sad smile on my lips. I coughed awkwardly and she looked at me full of confusion and sadness.

"Not now Britt." I said narrowing my eyes to come up with an excuse. "We need to get our beach tanning on" I put on a fake ghetto accent and she smiled rolling her eyes.

"Okay. Let me find my sun glasses. No idea where I put them." She pouted searching her bag for them. I sat there amused as she looked up, pretending to be cross.

"Come and help me San." She moaned. I suddenly burst out laughing and stood up, walking towards her.

"Stand still Britt." I laughed reaching towards her, taking the black glasses off the top her head and slid them over her eyes. She gasped in understanding and giggled to herself as she grabbed her beach bag. I watched her in amusement and awe as she hummed in her own world. She is so adorable…No! I can't think that. I shook my head firmly and grabbed my sun glasses from my bag and shoved them lightly over my own eyes. A slightly larger hand grabbed my own and pulled me softly towards the door so I fetched the door key as we went past the table and shut the large wooden door. Less than five minutes later, we were on the beach, laying down the red spotted blanket. Brittany kicked off her flip flops and started taking off her top and shorts flashing her black and white bikini underneath. She caught me staring and sent me a wink causing me to blush and pretended to be staring at seagull. She laughed and walked over to me, winking as she reached out for my top. I jumped backwards, looking around at the floods of people slowing reaching to the sandy beach. I shook my head.

"Britt, I'm going to get us ice creams, okay?" I asked, slightly flustered. She rolled her eyes a bit more furiously and nodded sharply. I've never seen her like this. I nodded meekly and turned around to find the path leaving Brittany stood by the bags. Crap, she does remember. I mean I really want to do _stuff _with her but…Oh god, I can't! I have to be straight, Santana Lopez cannot be gay. I mean look at Puck, I have slept with him so many times. I lost my virginity to him when I was 15. I have to be straight. I cleared my throat and moved onwards, turning the corner to see a small ice cream shop with no que. Slowly, I entered the shop and looked at the board. Brittany must be mad at me, especially as I left with no explanation. I could have just made something up, anything! There was something in my eye or something. Oh god, great. I decided to get her favourite ice cream, which was a little more expensive, maybe it will win her over enough for me to explain something to her. I will just go for plain strawberry I think.

"Excuse me?" I asked, catching the man's attention. He nodded, strutting over flexing her muscles, oh god cringe.

"Yes? What can I get you beautiful?" He winked at me, getting his little notepad out of his apron. I rolled my eyes at him and he looked me with eyes full of confusion. Obviously he doesn't get knocked back a lot. Ha!

"Yes. Can I have one scoop of strawberry and another one with 2 scoops of rocky road please." I was short with him, which he seemed to get the message as he gathered the ice cream quickly and silently, not looking up or making eye contact again.

He handed over me the two ice creams. "That will be 10 dollars please." He stated quietly. I gave him the money, turned on my heel and headed back to the beach. Right, I'm just going to fix this with Brittany. We both came to spend time with each other, she is my best friend and I promised to always make her happy. And obviously she isn't. I picked up the pace and turned the corner as I hit the soft, warm sand against my toes over the flip flops. I was about 35 foot away from our blanket when I looked up from staring at the slightly melting ice creams when I saw 2 people on the red , soft cotton. The back on the girl was facing me and a boy was leaned over her. They were kissing each other as if their life depended on it. That boy was kissing MY Britt. I dropped the ice creams and ran away. As quick as I could.


	11. Chapter 11

_**Chapter 11**_

_24__th__ of September 2011 4:00pm _

After about fifteen minutes of awkward silence with Laura sending me apologetic smiles, she muttered something about getting a drink and not being long. For ten minutes, I sat rubbing the side of my head in distress, worry and actual boredom until I heard shuffling behind the door as it swung open slowly. There stood Laura with what looked like a glass of water seems as I doubt its vodka and then I had to double take as someone was walking right behind her with her hand limp on Laura's back. I rose my eye brown in surprise however didn't say anything as I really wanted to know what was going on. The woman behind Laura took the glass from her and offered it in my direction silently as I softly took it from her hands thankfully taking huge gulps soothing my throat sweetly.

"Hey, Santana?" She asked quietly. I nodded. "My name is Kim." She smiled offering her hand so I took it.

I took a good look at Kim. She was the complete opposite of Laura in every way. Laura had short, choppy brown hair (obviously dyed as a few grey hairs were noticeable here and there) placed carefully in her hairnet whilst Kim had long, blonde hair. The brunette had brown eyes to match her hair whilst the other had bright blue eyes. As I was comparing the two, it suddenly struck me. I watched them both grab chairs and sit down. The way they both reached out for the others hand without looking and looked into each other's eyes knowing that's what the other craved. My gaze dropped to their enclosed hands and noticed they both had wedding rings attached. I saw Kim watching with a hint of amusement and nodded at my direction.

"Yes, we're married." She smirked slightly as my mouth dropped a tiny bit however I managed to cover it up but it was too late.

"I, I thought you couldn't get married here? I mean, like just in New York or Las Vegas…"My voice trailed but she shook her head.

"You know, people are so much more used to it. Even in all the small towns. I heard this town called Lima is now marrying gays just last week." She grinned.

My heart burned and my eyes stung. I knew I had cried too much and shuck my head.

"Laura told me a bit about Brittany." My eyes widened but she captured my gaze quickly. "Don't worry, do you really think I care that you're gay?" She asked with a small smile. I small, hushed laugh escaped my lips as I shuck my head.

"Good, look by the looks of things you cared a lot for her. You loved her." She spoke softly and slowly watching me as I froze and then nodded, agreeing to everything she said. "But you're so unhappy Santana and I don't think she would of wanted that, sweety. You need to at least try and move on." She spoke a little louder this time and was acting like she was my councillor. Oh hell no. I felt the anger quickly start to bubble inside me and stared at the woman who has never even met me or Brittany. Especially Brittany.

"Excuse me? But who the fuck do you think you are?" I raised my voice angrily. "You don't know me and you have _never_ met my Britt. Vete a la mierda, puta!" I spat, ending in spanish. I couldn't control my anger and I rose from my seat shouting offensive things toward her in my own secret language.

"¿Crees que sabes todo sobre mí ¿eh? ¿Sabes cómo voy a hacerte daño si lo intentas y dime lo que volver a hacer? Yo soy de Lima Heights adjacent y las cosas malas le suceden allí. Vete a la mierda!" I shouted inches from her face as I raced out of the door slamming it shut. I stood still trying to compose myself, as I looked up I noticed the whole diner staring at me.

Inside the back room I heard kim mutter "I had no idea what she just said to me."

"For god's sake Kim! I told you not to pull that crap on her and to be nice." She spoke angrily.

I couldn't be bothered to hear the rest of their convocation, so I stormed out the front door and flung myself into my car. Suddenly, I realized something. That's the first time I've spoke Spanish until before Brittany died. Maybe, just maybe I was healing. My breathing returned to normal so decided to continue onwards. I revered out of the small, shabby car park and drove onto the motor way towards my next destination. I put on the radio and I hummed quietly along the music soflly flooding into my car as I slowly drove through the rush hour traffic. Every time I stopped from the cause of traffic, I looked around to check I was going the right way. I definitely was by the looks of it seeing as it looked so familiar. I nodded in shock seeing the car that I was right behind about 30 foot away.

Maybe I will survive, I just don't know.


	12. Chapter 12

_**Chapter 12**_

_13__th__ of July 2012 19:10pm _

My palms were sweating heavily as they were crushed tightly together with the amount of stress when I felt the cab slow down toward the path around 50 feet away from the beach and our hotel. I looked up in confusion.

"This is as far as I am allowed to take you." The elderly man smiled apologetically. I swiped the access tears left fallen on my cheek.

"Don't worry about it." I sniffed and reached into my pocked to grab my money.

"No, don't worry about it." He spoke kindly. "It's on me, sweet heart."

I smiled kindly at him and stepped out carefully onto the path watching the taxi drive away into the distance. After seeing Brittany with _that guy_, I had walked so far I got lost. It's a good job he found me really. Slowly, I started walking toward the hotel. I didn't know what I was going to do or who was going to speak to who first. For god's sake, how did it get so out of hand?

A couple more minutes of walking down the path and I reached the entrance of the hotel. Neither Kim or the brunette were on the lobby which was good, I would probably break down if I saw them first. As I reached room 101, I stood outside for a second, taking a huge breath. I took the card from my pocket and swiped it softly. When I went into the room, I saw it was empty. I was a little torn. Maybe this was better because it I could think of what to say to her however what if she was lost or something? I threw my bag onto my bed along with my jacket and strolled towards the balcony. It was situated at the front of the hotel and you could see the whole beach. It was beautiful and I felt it calm me down completely. Then, a couple underneath the balcony grabbed my attention and I watched them make out about 50 times before I realized it was Brittany. So many feelings roared through me at one. Anger, humiliation, relieved…jealous? I couldn't be. I stormed back into the room locking the balcony door and flung myself on the bed, preventing myself to cry. 3 minutes later, I heard the door key enter its port and the door opening quietly. There stood Britt smiling brightly to herself, then she noticed me and her face darkened with her eye brow rising. She slammed the door a little louder and she stood in front of the bed.

"Where the hell have you been, Santana? You said you were going to get ice creams or something and you never came back! I have been worried sick." She shouted tears threatening in her sea blue eyes.

"Oh I did go and get ice creams Britt. And I did come back but you seemed perfectly happy playing tonsil tennis with that guy. So I thought I might as well make myself scarce. "I spat crossing my legs on the bed. A small, horrible laugh tumbled out of Brittany that sent shivers down my spine. What was up with her today?

"I don't get you Santana. I really don't." She spoke harshly as she paced slowly around the room. "You kiss me once, it was so beautiful, so romantic and then that is it. You push me away and make it clear you don't want that and then go mad and jealous when I kiss another guy?" She shook her head. "What is it you want Santana. Are you scared that if I get a boyfriend I won't spend time with you? Because that will never happen." She spoke more calmly this time, her eyes flooding with tears. I stood up from the bed and wiped the remaining tears shooting her an apologetic smile.

"Want to know why I don't want you to have a boyfriend?" I asked softly, my eyes boring into hers. She nodded slowly. "It's because…." I breathed in deeply, this is it.

"It's because I'm in love with you Britt. I always have but I've been too scared to admit it to myself, never mind to you. But seeing you with that guy today, I have never felt more shit in my entire life. I felt so jealous so hurt I wanted to kill that guy and wrap you in my arms. But I know I've ruined it and you must hate me so…" Brittany interrupted by firmly placing her lips onto mine, making me melt into her completely. After a minute or so, she stood back with a smug, happy look playing on her lips as she watched me intently.

"Finally." She breathed with a small wink. "I have always loved you Santana, I've just been waiting for you to realize the same. I didn't care how long, I just knew that I couldn't live without you so I would wait as long as It took." She stepped forward and softly took my hands, brushing her lips over them both, so soft I could almost not feel them.

"You don't have to wait any long, Britt. I love you so, so much." I tug her hands carefully until she fell into me; her lips crushing into mine, bursting with passion. My lips tug softly at her bottom lip as she moaned into my mouth. Okay, it turns out I may not be straight. I lay her slowly on the bed, refusing to remove my lips from the gorgeous pink ones beneath. I lay at the side of her and she started to lift off my top with a seductive smile on her lips. I laughed and shuck my head at her. She started to pout and bat her eye lashes.

"No Britt. I want to make it super special." She moaned. "Please?" I asked with a hint of desperation to my tone.

"Oh my god. This makes me love you even more. Even more than Lord Tubbington." She grinned, placing one more kiss on to my lips before getting up to throw off her shoes. I jumped off the bed and grabbed her hand for her attention and she looked at me, her eyes looking even more majestic; Big and blue.

"Britt-Britt, c-can I take you out tomorrow night? Like, on a date?" I smiled nervously. "Wherever we may go tomorrow." I added with a glint.

"Hmmm." She pondered teasing me. "Well, since it's my choice for tomorrow…It would be rude to say no wouldn't it. I thought you'd never ask" She added with a broad grin, flinging her arms around my neck. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding in and matched her grin as I kissed her one more time before heading to the bathroom to get ready for bed.

After I returned, Brittany was sat on the bed already in her pyjamas with her hand hovering over the lamp, waiting for me to return. I nodded to tell her I was ready and she flipped the switch. I felt my way over to the bed and slide in, getting into the covers. Brittany edged over to me snaking her arms around my waist and hovered her head over mine.

"Goodnight Sanny! I love you." She hushed kissing me sweetly on my cheek where my dimple situated and snuggled her head into the crook of my neck. A smile crept on my face and I kissed her on the top of her head.

"I love you too babe. Sweet dreams."


	13. Chapter 13

_**Chapter 13**_

_**A/V: I am so sorry, I had a little block. This is my last chapter for about a week as I go Paris with school Monday morning. I hope you enjoy it and let me know if you can. Thank you guys! #ForeverTeamBrittana **_

_24__th__ September 2011 21:02pm_

The soft autumn wind whipped my hair as I drove down the country lane in western Kentucky; all the beautiful fields bringing back memories. I slowed my car down to see the massive, red stable type shed and I knew I was getting really close. My eyes lit up as my car arrived at the massive, white and magnificent house that I remember so well. Parked outside was the old clunk of a red truck that saved our lives the first time. Both a smile and a grimace approached my face at once. Inhaling a deep gulp of air, I forced open my car door and stumbled down the bushy lane leading to the gorgeous, old mansion. Before I knocked, I looked down to check my outfit to see if I was presentable. I knocked twice on the brown oak door and instantly various dogs could be heard barking and howling. On the other side of the door, grumbling and moaning made me giggle as I knew straight off who that would be. The door swung open and I was met face to face with the grumpiest face alive. Seconds later, that grumpy face changed instantly into a bright happy smile as he rushed to give me a massive bear embrace.

"Santana! I can't believe you're here! Come in. Mariaaa! Come see who's here!" He called out to his wife, the massive grin never leaving his dirty face.

"Brian, what's going on swee. "Maria stopped halfway her sentence as she came through the kitchen door and squealed in excitement. "Santana! So great to see you again, here for more life changing work?" She winked then arched her head to look behind me.

A line came up between her eyes to show concern. "Hun, where's Brittany?" She asked earnestly. I thought I had prepared for this question but tears started filling up my eyes quickly so I bowed my head to try and prevent more however they continued to appear. Maria instantly started mothering me and lead me to their living room. She ushered me onto the couch, shushing me gently and running her soft hands through my dark locks. After I calmed myself down, I felt embarrassed that she had to look after me like that and coughed awkwardly to get out of her arms. I looked up and flashed her a look of appreciation and she smiled at me kindly.

"Sweetie, are you going to tell me what's going on now?" She asked, eyes full of concern. I gave her a short nod and took a deep breath to compose myself.

"The reason B-Brittany isn't here, is because…she died." One small sob escaped and I smacked my hand onto my mouth. I heard a gasp come from the older woman and she put her arm around my shoulder, pulling me into her neck.

"Oh my god, that's horrible. You must really miss your best friend, huh?" She spoke softly, her voice full of sadness. I shook my head against her neck, she didn't get it.

"I loved her Maria. I loved her more than anything else in this world. I am so lost without her because she was the only thing constant in my life and she made me so happy. And I treated her like shit and I hid her and my feelings for her and I was such an idiot." I ended with my voice raised and Maria looked at me; eyes wide with shock. "Want to know the worst part?" I asked softly. She nodded slowly. "I still love her with all my heart and nothing I can do can get her out of my head. I want to be with her in heaven and it's my fault she is up there. She had such a bright future ahead of her." I knew I was going on but I had no one else to sit there and just listen to took full advantage at this point.

"She was an amazing dancer, you know Maria? When she danced, she took my breath away. She did this really cute face when she danced. She used to bit her lip and her beautiful eyes would light up in pleasure when she got the routine right. Then every time she would win a competition, there would be lots of fans and photographers from the local paper wanting to see her. But every time, she would walk straight to me and tell me she loved me, not caring if I loved her back. And I NEVER did. Not for a long time." I ran my fingers through my hair, I couldn't talk anymore. My throat was raw and I felt bad for poor Maria. When I finally looked at her, she had tears running down her face and a smile playing on her lips.

"I never knew that. And it's so beautiful. But honey, you need to sleep soon, okay so your stay here the night. But why are you here? Not that I mind of course! I've missed you!" She smiled, patting the seat next to her to gesture to sit down. So I did.

"Maria." I began. "I was a wreck when Britt died. I was 100% worse than this, believe me. I wouldn't eat, sleep or talk. Nothing. So I knew I needed something to help me, something to do. I couldn't back to school or even staying in my room at home was torture. So I decided to go on a drive but my conscience took over and before I knew it, I was taking our tour from the summer again. So far it's helped me a bit. I mean, I still cry when I mention her or think about her. But I can eat a little and speak to people a bit more. Please let me stay here a couple of days, I just think it will help me." I begged looking at her with hope. A small laugh tinkled from her lips.

"Of course you can still Santana! You don't even need to ask, we love you! You helped our girl give birth and that's made you perfect in our eyes." She offered her hand to help me stand up and I took it gratefully.

"But Brittany did all.."

"No." She broke me off sternly. "You both did it, okay? "She persuaded seriously. I nodded, finally agreeing.

"Good." She smiled. "The spare room is available this time." She grinned leading the way to the bedroom.

"No wait, Maria?" I called out.

She hummed in response, a questioning look on her face.

"Can- can I stay in the barn like last time, please? I feel closer to her." I spoke quietly, my eye lashed fluttering quickly in harmony with my heart beat.

"Sure."

She passed me my bags from my trunk, blankets and some pillows before giving me a kiss goodnight on my forehead and giving me the keys to the barn.

I made my way to the giant barn into the silent darkness and shuffled the key in a few times before the door swung lazily open. I found the ladder at the end of the barn and climbed up slowly. At the top was lots of hay all over floor, giving me a free mattress. The wall of the left was still not built giving me a gorgeous look of the landscape and the stars shining brightly.

One shone the brightest, shining its way into my heart. Call me crazy, but I think it is Brittany.

I shuffled down into the hay with the blanket laying limply over my waist, my thoughts surrounded with everything that's Brittany.


	14. Chapter 14

_** Chapter 14**_

_14__th__ of July 2011 09:29_

Gorgeous, bright sunlight shone through the gap of the blinds from the balcony door causing me to stir and slowly open my eyes. When I did, I was met to beautiful, deep blue eyes, gazing down at me with such love. I started to giggle and reached out to stroke her cheek.

"Morning beautiful." I sang, shuffling up onto my elbows to get closer to Brittany. She flashed me a massive grin before dipping her head to place her soft, pink lips onto mine. I kissed her back firmly more than she expected as she gasped and quickly opened her eyes. I sent her a wink.

"I was scared for a little while San" She pouted slightly. "I was worried in case all of last night was a dream." She lowered her eyes and I sat up abruptly. I took both her hands in mine to make her look at me.

"Babe, I can promise you… last night was NOT a dream, okay? I am so, so sorry I made you wait so long and treated you so bad. But, if you let me, I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you." I spoke softly, gazing in to her eyes, meaning every word. She giggled softly, also never taking her eyes off mine.

"San, you just called me babe." She laughed loudly, as I blushed but before I knew it, she pounced on me and tickled my sides furiously.

"Britt!" I giggled as I tried my hardest to shove her off however she wouldn't budge. She straddled my waist and suddenly stopped tickling; giving me the most beautiful, softest smile I've ever seen her give me. I thought she was lowering her head for a kiss so I puckered up my lips however she nipped my neck playfully and jumped off, sprinting for the shower. I shuck my head, feeling aroused and playful.

"Tease" I shouted and pretended to be mad and heard Britt giggle from the bathroom. I knocked once and walked in.

"Britt, can I take you out for breakfast?" She was half naked and still managed to look too cute when she cried with joy. I got dressed and waited impatiently for her to get her sweet ass ready. When she emerged from the misty bathroom, she was dressed and ready to go with all her belongings packed. We got back in to my small, cherry red compact car, driving along the dusty road. The sun was soon getting hotter so I put the roof of my car down and took my dark brown hair out of its pony tail; enjoying the feel of the wind whipping my hair around. With my right hand free, I took Brittany's hand and gave it a small squeeze as we sang all the way down the road. A small bleep interrupted the comfortable silence and Brittany took her pink mobile with flowers all over from her pocket.

"Oh San, it's from the motor cross people. They said the competition has been delayed a few days and it is now on the 15th of August. We got a couple more days to travel and stuff." She cried happily, wrapping her arms around my neck, nearly causing us to crash. I laughed happily, rolling my eyes at myself.

"Hey Britt?" She hummed in response. "Want to delay breakfast too and drive to Georgia to get lunch. I remember my mom telling me about these tacos in this diner there and I've always wanted to visit there."

She yelled yes in response whilst fist pumping in the air with happiness. I giggled alongside her while keeping an eye on the road. By three O clock, the GPS on my car had directed me to the diner my mom had told me about. Both of us were starving and scrambled out of my car and ran into the small diner. The large, glass, automatic door swung open slowly as we arrived breathless and giggling and we walked in hand in hand. I pointed quickly at the nearest booth so we rushed over. A woman around her 50's swooped over in a pink bright dress (obviously her uniform) with a hairnet securing her grey hair gripping a notepad tightly to her chest. She wore a bright smile on her face presenting her pearly white teeth with random spots of blotchy red from her lipstick. I would have usually been mad as she stared at us for a while however I was too happy to care.

"Hello girls and welcome to Alan's Diner. What can I get you?" She grinned, slipping a small pencil from behind her hair which caused Britt to giggle. Brittany looked at me in question.

"Get whatever you want Britt-Britt. My treat." I grinned at her as she squealed, gave me a quick hug before scanning the menu.

"Ma'am? Can I get a chicken mayo Burrito and fries with a strawberry milkshake, please." She spoke happily, her eyes sparkling.

"You hungry then?" I teased sending her a wink. "Tell you what; I'll have the same please." I smiled handing over the menus.

"Coming right up." She grinned, taking our menus and power walked to the ordering counter. Brittany started to thank me over and over again. I took both her hands from across the table and softly rubbed them over. She was more than welcome. We started talking goofily about random stuff like Quinn and if Lauren and Puck were a nice couple. Soon enough, our orders arrived. I watched her as she happily dipped her chips into her milkshake in happiness and couldn't help but wonder how lucky I was. At first, I thought it was the worst thing falling for Brittany. But now, I know it's a blessing falling in love with your best friend. Life is perfect.

"San, after this can we drive to Virginia? I know it's a few hour's drive but I always wanted to go there, we're getting closer to New York and we can have our date there" She suggested sweetly with a small wink. I pretended like I was thinking about it for a while and then nodded, laughing as her face broke from a concerned to a relieved look.

"You finished ladies?" I nodded to the waitress and slide over the money and tips, taking Brittany's hand leading her out to the car.

"Off. We. GOOO" I shouted, getting excited feeling happy and content.

About two hours later, I looked over to my left at Brittany curled up on her seat asleep with her teddy unicorn in a ball in her arms. She looked so adorable. We were in the middle of Kentucky and it was about half 6. Suddenly, the car slowed drastically as it huffed and puffed. Fuck, we were broken down. Brittany stirred immediately confused and alert. I calmed her down slightly, even though inside I was panicking my ass off. Suddenly, a flash light appeared behind my car.

Brittany whispered "Oh my god, it's like that film Joy ride! We're gonna die!"

"We're not Britt. I love you" I breathed heavily, squeezing her hand in mine tightly. My door opened quickly and we screamed loud.

"Whoa ladies, calm down. You broken down?" I looked up to see a grumpy old man around his fifties, looking cranky and concerned. We nodded simultaneously, too frightened and shocked to speak.

"Well, your about 20 feet away from my place. My name is Brian and we own a little farm" He spoke gruff as if he was forced to speak those words. "Come on, I'll take you to mine and stay with my wife and I. Don't worry, I'll have you up and running in the morning." Britt looked at me, eyes full of worry and the elderly man laughed for the first time. "I'm not gonna hurt you kid" He gurgled.

I forced out a cough "Thanks Brian. We really appreciate it." I forced a smile.

We grabbed our bags from the trunk and he lead us to his little, old truck. It was only a small drive to the massive house. It was getting pretty dark, so Brian rushed us in.

"Maria, love? We have guests" He shouted in to the seemingly empty house until a small woman rushed towards us with a massive smile on her face. She had bright ginger hair with gorgeous green eyes. She took me by surprise by grabbing me into a hug and the same to Brittany.

"Thank you" I muttered, showing my manners.

"Oh, leave it! Glad to help hunnie! By the way, my name is Maria. But the spare rooms are taken up, so is the barn okay? It's safe and cosy, I assure you!" She giggled, gesturing to the large , red barn about 10 foot away from the house. We nodded and Brian led us out to the slightly smaller building.

"Right, go to the end of the barn. See there, is ladders. Go up there and the whole place is covered in hay. It will work as a mattress." He passed us some blankets then muttered goodnight. I took Brittany's hand and followed the instructions so we were up the ladder and lay in the spongy hay. One wall wasn't covered I could see the whole landscape. Stars twinkled and lit the large room. Britt and I snuggled up close, shattered from the long day. I kissed her small and gentle, stroking a hair from her eyes.

"Goodnight babe." I whispered, kissing her forehead.

"Night San." She smiled.


	15. Chapter 15

_**Chapter 15**_

_25__th__ of September 2011 07:22 am_

Bright light shone deeply into the barn causing me to awaken and rub my eyes furiously as I squinted around, looking for my clothes and my phone. As I was getting changed, I felt my phone vibrate at the bottom of my bag so grabbed it quickly seeing the contact name flashing repeatedly.

"Hola Mamma (Hello Mum)." I groaned, yawning loudly.

"Santana, mija! Where the hell are you? We have been worried sick. (Daughter)" My mother fretted over the phone.

"I'm sorry Madre! I needed to get away…(Mummy)" I heard the phone being snatched away and I knew who it would be.

"Santana Georgina Lopez." Oh crap, he used my full name. "Tell me right now, Where are you?" He spoke firmly; relief and anger flooding through his voice.

"Padre, I am sorry! I am in Kentucky with some…friends! I'm almost 18 (Father)" I tried the age approach; I just knew I couldn't go home yet and face reality without_ her. _

"I do not careSantana. You are missing school for god's sake." He demanded.

"Papa, I can't do it yet (Dad)." I snivelled, physically shaking. "I can't go back in my room without her appearing everywhere, or school or anywhere. Please, just a little more time." I pleaded.

I heard a torn sigh come from the other line. "Okay, but not too long querido (Darling)" I nodded even though he couldn't see me.

"Te amo papá y mama. (I love you dad and mum)" I whispered before chucking my phone into my bag, slinging it over my shoulder and heading towards the house. I knocked once and Maria ran to the door, pulling me inside.

"You know, you don't need to knock." She laughed softly.

"Oh, okay." I giggled, blushing slightly, before Maria gestured towards the kitchen as she headed that way herself.

"So, you must be starving hun. What do you want to eat?" She smiled then raised her eyebrow as her gaze set on the bag on my shoulder. I hardly noticed what she was saying or doing as I stared around the room. I don't know why it shocked me but the kitchen looked exactly the same. The same pastel pink wallpapered walls, with the gorgeous carved wooden table centred in the room. The cool, spray sink that always made me giggle that now a little wooden stool in front of it. I only noticed Maria was talking as she was waving her hand in front of my face with an amused expression splattered all over my face.

"Earth to Santana? Hello?" She teased, throwing back her head laughing as I blinked furiously, returning from my day dream.

"I'm sorry, what did you say?" I blushed, rubbing the back of my neck like I always did in embarrassment.

She shuck her head in an amused manor "It's fine sweetie, I asked what you wanted for breakfast?"

I looked behind her and noticed Brian eating a bacon bagel and licked my lips without realizing. Maria turned to look at Brian and then back at me with a grin playing on her lips.

"One bacon bagel coming up." She winked before raiding the fridge for the bacon packet. I shuffled toward the table and sat myself next to Brian who was reading the newspaper. Suddenly, a noise screeched from the small, plastic round speaker on the kitchen side.

"Brian, could you see to Brittana for me, please?" She asked her husband as she flipped bacon. He grunted but reluctantly jogged upstairs.

"Maria…Who or what is Brittana?" I asked, feeling really confused. She giggled as she placed the bacon bagel in front of me, sitting in the chair Brian once sat in.

"Well, remember when you were last here?" she asked, with a hint of tease in her tone. I rolled my eyes playfully, whilst nodding.

"There was this event happen that you and Brittany delivered my baby, right?" She continued and I gasped in realisation.

"You called your baby Brittana?" I spoke out loud.

"Think about it, it's a mash up name. It's Brittany and Santana together, the two amazing women who bought my baby girl in this world." She smiled brightly.

"Brittany did all the work." I mumbled, shoving the bacon bagel into my mouth. She gasped loudly, lightly slapping my arm to grasp my attention.

"You both helped, okay? Stop putting yourself down." I nodded brushing my hand on my pants as Maria took my empty plate and washed it.

"Thank you." I smiled gratefully.

"You don't need to thank me for anything Hun." She spoke sincerely. "So, what are your plans today?" She changed the subject as she wiped her hands on the nearest tea towel.

"If it's okay with you, I wanted to go to the field." I met her gaze and she nodded sending me a simple smile.

"Of course" She whispered. She then heard banging from up above so ran to check on Brian and Brittana. I smiled at the creativity of the name and noting of how Brittany would have loved it. I decided to wipe the sides and tidied up a little. I then grabbed my sneakers from next to my bag and slipped the on.

"Right, I'm going out for a little bit." I shouted up to the couple. I heard a faint 'all right' and I left. It was only a short walk along the tight, bushy paths to find the small gate leading to the large, luscious meadow. A feeling fluttered in my stomach and even my heart as I watched the soft wind brush through the purple bluebells and the long branches on the willow tree. I jumped over the creaky gate and landed safely on the ground. The view never failed to take my breath away as I stood in awe at the sight of my surroundings giving me a massive feeling of de ja vu. All I could think was of that one massive thing was missing this time. My eyes stung so I took a deep breath and ran the hill across the meadow where the willow tree situated. I lay underneath and looked up feeling like I was in a bubble. It was so peaceful so I pulled out my headphones and put my IPod on shuffle. The first song started to play and I knew instantly what it was. It was the way we were by Barbra Streisand. It reminded me of the way Brittany and I was together. The way we fitted together perfectly like a puzzle piece and I doubted that anyone else could ever be that with me and fit with me to that extent. Suddenly, a vision of Brittany appeared from nowhere telling me off. She was still wearing the yellow dress and with the white pumps from the day of the accident.

"San, please don't be sad. You look like a cute little sad panda." She smiled sadly, her blue eyes sparkling into my soul. "Don't give up on happiness. I'm not going anywhere" She shrugged, giving me a short wink.

A sob escaped my mouth "But I miss you so much, Britt."

A single tear slide down her cheek and I so badly wanted to jump up and wipe it off even though deep down, I knew it was my conscience.

"I miss you too Sanny. But San, please you need to get the life you wanted. Be happy! Go to New York like you always wanted, beat Rachel Berry in your singing career, and fall in love…over and over again. And when you're like 120 years old, you can come to me and tell me all about it." She giggled. "But I've got to go now and you need to get to school."

She turned to walk away in the bright light.

"Wait Britt!" I shouted, standing even though my legs shook.

She turned, her gorgeous eyes looking sad.

"I love you..."

She smiled "…Forever and always." Finishing my sentence and disappearing before I had a chance to say anything else. It felt so real and hurt so badly. I curled up in a ball in the flowers and sobbed. Suddenly, rain started falling and thunder could be heard rumbling, getting closer. I jumped up and sprinted all the way to Maria's.

As I arrived back to the front door, I looked up and saw tiny gap in the clouds where the sun peeked.

"Okay Britt. For you, I can accomplish anything."


End file.
